a second you just wasted may be worth an entire lifetime

In the name of Allah, the One who's always got his eyes looking after me from up there.

Surprise Surprise :)

Hello people of the world. I know I've been missing for so many times, 
everytime I apologize for my absence, I always seem to go missing again, 
so I feel bad to wanting to say sorry again this time. 
But please don't blame me, blame my wifi.

Well recently Muslims all over the world celebrated Eid after fasting for about a month.
Ramadan isn't just about fasting or shopping for Raya, it's beyond all that.
It's the month of repentence, the month of putting others before you, 
it's about being thankful of what you have, it's about giving back,
basically in short, it's about being nice and good LAH.
It's when there's no barrier between us and Allah, in a sense that all our prayers are straightaway delivered to The Almighty.
The gates to Hell were shut completely and the doors to heaven were widely open.
It's a month of automatic self-awareness.
It's sad to watch Ramadan leave us just like that.
I mean, Eid or we call it Raya in Malaysia, is a huge celebration alright, but Ramadan is just something else.
Raya has lost its jolliness to me since my late grandma passed away.
There's nothing so fun and exciting about Raya anymore ever since she left.
But Ramadan, has never lost its meaning.
It's about being with yourself and God, and reflecting back on all those years you've gone through and of course, the spirit of wanting to be a better person.

I know my weaknesses, also my strengths. I also know that my biggest weakness can be my biggest, most influential strength. Also, vice-versa, unfortunately.
Maybe I can't be a better person, but I can be a better me, and I'm trying my best, God willing.
I mean, I'm all I'll ever be, I'm all I ever want to be. I'm not sure with everybody else though, but no matter how hard or pathetic our lives might be, why would anyone want to be someone else?
You're uniquely you. No one else is like you or me. If you change into someone else, you're just some duplicate and what's the fun in that?
I used to look at myself as non-living because I feel that maybe this life of mine is not about me, like maybe I was sent for the people around me, that kinda thing.
Well not when I was a kid, of course, I was the liveliest kid alive.
But as I grow up and got my heart broken for so many times by the people around me, and even myself, I've come to learn that maybe this isn't how my life works.
I got used to the idea that maybe this isn't about me.
And so I started living life for everybody else, but me.
I started to lose all the elements of joy in myself.
I started to become a little quiet, I started to play by the rules instead of having fun like other teenagers, I started to feel comfortable in isolation.

Last Ramadan I was forced into a situation where I had chosen to sacrifice a huge, important part of my life for the sake of my loved ones.
I can say that all I thought of was my brothers' future, also my parents' health and welfare.
Someone came to me and gave me some of her eye-opening thoughts and saved my life.
She made me realize that the way I've put things made it look like God's really just too cruel to me.
If He's putting me to life just to live for others and sacrifice my life for people, I mean, what for?
If He wants to give His people second chances, He could give it through me but not by sacrificing me or something like that.
And if my brothers don't start to work their asses towards their goals, they're making a huge mistake, but it's OKAY to make mistakes, 
because that's when they'll learn what's the right thing to do. 
And if I don't let them make that mistake, all they're going to be is some pointless creature with no direction or drive or goals.
They can't be spoon-fed forever, they need to do things their way, make their way to make the best of themselves.
And the most I can do is support them through it all.
This is the only life I'll ever have, this is the only life I've been given, whatever reason, whatever excuse, it's not worth it to sacrifice your life.
Simply because you're worth so much more.
And probably because you won't get it back once you let it go, and you won't get another one.
I may have taken a few years of life for granted just because I was just so busy thinking about evrything and everybody else but me.
Now that I've come to realize this, I would never waste another second of it.
I know that from time to time we tend to feel or think that everything just sucks and you feel like giving up whatsoever.
It's natural because from time to time we need to feel down for us to learn to get back up,
sometimes we need a push from someone or something, and that's totally fine.
Life has its twists and turns and it's going to be a bumpy ride,
but take your time to notice the little things that make your life just priceless to be trade-in or too meaningful to give up on.
Enjoy the ride while you can, if it made you sick then puke somewhere later on, who cares? You'll be alright.

This is your life. Your painting canvas. A canvas handed to you initially white, empty and boring.
Now, fill your own canvas, it's all yours anyway. Throw some color on it, if it gets messy, again, who cares? 
If there's no 'undo' button to press, you can always throw white paint over and re-paint right? or repent? :p 
Well, my point is, life can suck to the max, but we cannot deny that we've gone through some great moments as well.
No matter how hard, make each moment count so that when you win something, you can really say that you deserve it.
And you can say, 'hey, I finally did it'.

When things get rough, cry all you want, you can scream and shout, you can isolate yourself from the rest of the world for years, 
but eventually you know you just have to get out, get up and move on. So, when you think it's about time, toughen up and get ready to keep going.
From time to time, just when you feel that you need someone, God's going to send some random people to enter you life 
whether to comfort you, to empower you or simply to just stand by you, whatever it is, you'll be alright.
And when things get smooth, smile a little lot more, give back to the people in need, share your love a little lot more with the people around you, keep yourself motivated, and wise men say; be good to everyone on your way up, cuz you'll meet them again on your way down. 
And don't forget, to say thank you. 
Especially and most importantly, to The Almighty, the One who never give up on you.