when life's multicolour

In the name of Allah, the only one who knows what I'm going through, and how I'm going through all this.


@#$%^&! Let's not make it sound so sad this time shall we? Or my rehab will hell be in total vain.


I haven't been writing since well, not so long ago. I have been avoiding contact with my laptop...and my phone. Looked and felt like I just ran away and hid myself from the universe. Well, even if it is so, at least I did not just turn away or lie to the world and even myself like some people I witnessed have done. So I ran away, so what? I came back realizing there's more to life, especially mine. Like Ms.Ramila always said, "...it's all about making choices". Yup, the choices you make in life make up all you've become and who you are in the end, where you'll be, how you want yourself to be like. I stopped running away, quit hiding, quit keeping all the dull colours that are ruining the rainbows in my life, the beautiful shades. I don't need anyone to paint my life to make it beautiful, I can do it myself, even better. And I don't need anyone to paint it blue or grey, because I don't fucking need it. I choose to let go of all the dirty, filthy things in my life, all the dirt from being stepped on by every other people, I choose to clean  myself up, pick myself up, get myself back on track, I choose to throw away all of the things that have been keeping me down, buried in the mud, pushing me around like some crashed can. I choose to stand back up, find the girl I used to be, and get off this girl who sees no hope. Eww, what have I become? I need to get back, and I choose to go on. I'm ashamed of myself for what I've done to myself but the one I pity more is you and the rest of you. Of course not my readers or my friends and family, they have been rocking the world for me. But whoever I'm referring to, you know who you are if you're even reading this, I pity you because you could not stand for yourself, you kept on turning away from people, even your friends, you live a life full of your own lies, you live a life of someone else that you made exist, that you hope existed, a life as perfect as you imagined. Pity you that you could not see what's real, pity you that you could throw away the one thing that you once wanted so much, the one thing that had once completed your life, pity you that you threw it away to win the race of your life. The race through time; when time is discreetly racing through us. Pity you that you killed the one thing you had once tried and worked so hard to get. But I salute you for making YOUR choice. That's the life you've picked, I'm happy for you, I'm sure you'll win the race because you know I always believe in you. And as for the rest of you, make your choice, it's about time. Make the right one. If you have been taken granted for all this while, if you've been hurt so much, if you've been going through a hard time for so long now, you have a choice, remember that. You can choose to stay that way for the rest of your life, or may I suggest, choose to get yourself out of it, choose to kill the pain instead of letting the pain kill you slowly, choose to be happy, choose laughter, choose sunshine, choose the best for you, not for others, for once, put yourself on top of your very own list, you deserve some special attention, don't you think? Indulge yourself in the new Wall's Double Dutch ice-cream, it looked soo awesome on TV just now, it has got marshmallows and is loaded with chocolate. There's more to life. I'm no longer addicted to chocolates though, told you I've been on rehab. Rehab from every little addiction I used to have, the bad ones of course. Now I'm back, recovered :) God willing. And yeah, it's God's will, whatever that has happened, and is going to happen, is God's will, and with His will too, you'll get to make the right choices in life. Remember that, even when you've got no one standing by you, He's always there, watching over you. Because you're His precious, special little love.