my bad my bad my bad

In the name of Allah, is that Your hint? Yes or no, still, thank you.

So i tried. I asked for advice from close friends. And I seek for an answer from you. I think you gave me a hint already, whether I've mistaken or not, for now, I'll take it.

I tried staying away from just about anything that could remind me of you, my friends have said what they have to say, and now what is this? A sign or some game my mind's playing on myself? We've also tried to walk away and stay away from each other's life but the further we went, the more we wanted to come back, the more we tried not to care the more we actually did, and the more we denied it the bigger it got. A clue or a trick? And so we accepted the fact that we're probably really meant for each other but to give each other all the space the both of us need to catch up with what we've missed out when we were so enclosed by our own little world back then. But now you've seen the big world, and now I've seen where I stand in the big picture; I don't appear so big to you anymore as compared to the rest of the things you've got there in that new world of yours. Did I give you way too much space that you almost slipped through my fingers? But then again, no matter how much fun you had out there, and how bizarre your life is now, every little now and then, it's me that you come to look for, and no matter how hurt I got, how much I've told myself that I won't love you anymore, no matter how much I'm convinced that I don't need you; I never really moved from where I was, I'd still stand here waiting for you to come back every once in a while, although it's only once in a while. A hint or also just a trick? A friend once told me that there's nothing good about him without me tagging along and there's nothing good about me without him tagging along; it's like it's written on our foreheads. Another trick? Sometimes it's like we fight, we hurt each other, we hate each other, we don't like to be bugged by one another, we can't stand each other, but we'd still come back to each other, because if I fight with him, I'm the only one who can make things right with him again, and when he hurts me he's the only one who can cure it all back, and when we don't bug each other, life bugs us, and when we can't stand each other, nothing feels right till we make things right again. It's like he's the person I fight best with, you know, and I'm the person he hurts best, the one he hurts most, and I believe it hurts the most because it's the person he loves most. Half of the answer or really just another trick? Maybe he deserves to enjoy his life, I mean, I've been tailing him almost all his life, now it's time for the both of us to see something else than just the both of us. Another part of the answer or seriously I'm making these up? Am I saying all these to make myself feel better or do they make sense; I don't know, tell me. Look at me, I kept sighing about what's been happening since just about a year ago, but never thought that for the past 9-10 years, he has never sighed about me bugging his life, he stood by me, all this while so very patiently, added up with me being sick and ill and cranky all the time and hyper sometimes, and I could not give him the chance for him to live his OWN life now, wow, I'm that bad, am I? So it's been me, I'm such a psychotic freak. It was just me. So now, it's that an answer or what? Tell me. 

I know you never read my blog, it's not meant for you to read either, Mr.Dear sir. But just in case a miracle decided to happen, I just want to apologize for everything I've done, I'm sorry, and I love you. You're free to have all the space and time you need and I won't bug you anymore, instead I'll help you to get rid of myself, I'll stay away for now, please just be happy.

Dear Almighty, tell me it's the right thing to do.