Heaps of gratitude

In the name of Allah, the One who is entitled to do what He does.

Two years back I made my biggest sacrifice for Aidil Adha, at about this very same day. Last year I made a sacrifice that's pretty much similar. Tomorrow Aidil Adha is coming again, what's my sacrifice this year?

I've let go of the love of my life two years ago, in other words, I've let go of my life for the sake of his own happiness. That was because he wanted to let me go, nope, he has let go of me. I let go for I love him so much that I want him to be happy, but last year I've had the best birthday ever when he came back, it's the best birthday gift I can ever get in my entire life, he gave me my life back, so I held on tighter for I never want to lose it again, and I don't even want to feel how it felt to lose it once more. Last year, my little sacrifice for Aidil Adha was about giving up on my health issues that have been adding up to my family's financial problems, I believe I'm strong enough to fight the pain without treatments and medications so I gave them all up, I know I'm not that strong, but it hurts my parents, especially, to have to deal with a child who is endlessly sick and ill, and it hurts so much more when there is a solution to the problem but they could not afford it, so though I'm not that strong, I'll do whatever I can to be strong enough for them. 

This time around, I have another sacrifice to make. Two years back, I've let go of my life but I got it back, this year, I'm letting go of what I got back and I'm letting go for good. I won't expect it to come back to me, and for me, anymore because with all my heart I let go. Last time I held on to a saying "If you love something/someone, let it go, set it free, if it/he/she comes back to you, you're meant to be". And I've let go, and he came back, either it's just a coincidence or really a truth, I don't know and I don't need to know because that's the best thing to me, to know that he came back and he's meant to be for me, at least, I believed so, and that's good enough for me. So this year, I won't be expecting anything anymore because I've gotten what I've expected to get, and now I know what I really wished to know, from the bottom of my heart that is yet to get very empty soon, I let go. My life has been written by Him up there, I've done what I should do, I fought for what I know is worth fighting for, winning or losing the battle does not matter to me because when I've given my all to fight for it, I've won the battle by heart. I'll be presented with a lot of other things that I need to deal with and go through, but whatever that's going to happen, today when I let go, I left my heart with him, so whatever happens, he's got my heart and even if that heart stops beating, he's got my love. 

I may be heartless, and some say I'm an ugly duckling, I'm simple and boring but complicated at the same time, I may be very quiet and so not fun, plus I'm dumb enough for just about everyone around me, I may be a darn massive burden to my family, and everything else that makes me even so much worse than any ugly ducklings around the world, but there is someone up there who sees me differently, and is able to see me just so much more than just all that, I know He's watching me from up there, He never fails me, and I won't fail Him, most of all, when no one's there, He'll stand by me and love me through it all because I'm his creation.

Praise be to the Almighty.