the silence aloud.

why were you always away when i needed you the very most? not only this time, remember? so, why? i think i know why, but i don't want to say it because i don't want to accept that answer, even if my assumption's right. you tell me. even if it's going to hurt, at least it's certain as it comes from you, yourself.

i'd always said, it's okay, because we're all just ordinary people, we all make mistakes and try to be better with each lesson. that's how i forgive people, because i'm not perfect, and they're all just like me, so as i try forgiving them, i help myself to grow, and learn things no one or nothing else can teach me. and i forgive because i love them for every part of themselves, the flaws and all, they all teach me different things in life. but i realize what i did will only hurt me in the long run, if i keep on forgiving, people will keep on hurting me, and i'll be forever so easily hurt. but the thing with me that the people close to me should've known about is that, my greatest strength is my biggest weakness. and it's love. i have a small heart that never runs out of love. blablabla. yet, love is the one that keeps making me hurt, stumble and fall, go out of track, lose my senses, and worse off, breakdown. and i wonder why. maybe my love is always so strong that it makes me too weak when disappointed.

well, i didn't really mean to babble on this, i just wanted to ask, what do you think i look like to you? am i that bad, am i that meaningless to you, am i not that worthy, am i just too much or too little for you? am i just all that to you...am i just this and that? then why did i see you as something so much more? how strong do you think i am, how far do you think i can go with this, how long do you think i can still take, how long do you think i can keep accepting apologies, how long do you think i can keep this to myself, how long do you think i can keep quiet, how independent do you think i can get...just how fucking strong do you think i am??! and what makes you think so damn it. why do you think so...i've been just very silent, but do you have any idea how the silence are far louder than you think, here inside me? just where are you...='(