im going blablabla again.

just in case you thought i was not that serious with what i said, well, i've just done something to convince you enough that i really won't be calling for you, i've made it sure for you that i wont be reachable, good enough, so even if later on you decided to give in and tried to find me, you won't be able to, and that time, you'll remind yourself that you have never bothered, so why would you ever have? blablabla. well, isn't it good. especially for you? it's only partially good for me. i got so bored with saying "it's okay", so by doing this, i don't just get to stop saying that, in fact i wont be getting to hear anything that you might going to say that will only worsen the pain. and another good thing for me is that, i can feel satisfied now that i've helped you to get rid of me and get your head in whatever you're up to. just in case you really tried finding me but failed, well, i'd like to say, i've done a good job for you isn't it, so be thankful that i've done it for you, without having you to even ask for it. and again blablabla i keep talking about the same damn thing again and again.


i think, what i need, actually, is just some time to let my heart recover before you all can start hurting and tearing it apart all over again. i wanted to say that i've had enough of pain, but you knew that, you just can't help to keep hurting me one way after the other. i know. so i'll just swallow that, and let my heart recover before i can let it bleed again. but i wonder, what more do you want me to do for you? to what extend do you want me to go for your sake? 


what else do i have to do after this...
even just wondering about it has got me faint-hearted.