I set you free.

Thank you Allah, for you have made me as who I am. Alhamdulillah. You have made me a strong girl, just like mama and mak. I've been sighing for quite some time, but I forgot to feel grateful for all your blessings and the wind of courage you blow through me when I have no where and no one to turn to. I'm ashame of myself. Last night as I laid in bed, you have blown that wind on my face, and I have come to my senses. You have reminded me about something I might have just overlooked, which is, the fact that, "Love is unselfish". Love is unselfish. How come I forgot? I was too busy thinking about things that I couldn't change, and grieving over them, as well as isolating myself from the world. But last night, I gained myself back. Love is unselfish. Yes. And I am not selfish. I don't want to be selfish. So since the break of dawn this morning, I started to really see the world unselfishly. The Subuh breeze woke me up, as if it tried saying, "A whole brand new day is about to start." I sat, and smiled weakly with my eyes still unable to open, and said silently in my heart, "Alhamdulillah, insyaAllah, I can make it through". 

What's up with "Love is unselfish", so what if it is?
I went through a hard time, I broke down, and no one was there. My heart broke even worse. It was at that time, the time that I needed someone, that no one turned up, and in fact, they just, poof!; disappear. As if, they have got tired of me and my never-ending problems. No phone calls, not even a single text message. Nothing on facebook too. When I called or text, no answer, no reply. What do you expect me to think? It hurt. It has hurt just so much more. 


But yes, love is unselfish, and I love them all, unconditionally. And my love, too, is unselfish. and I am not a selfish person. I don't want to start to become one. If I love them truly and sincerely, I shouldn't be thinking to want them to be here for me. If they choose to disappear, I should respect their decision, and set them free. I do love them, with all trueness and sincerity. So now, in the name of The Almighty, I set you free. Enjoy your life. You don't think about me, don't worry, you are free to live, you are free now. Do not feel any guilt if you ever will feel so. I sincerely set you free. All of you. If you want to find me, you sure will, in fact, you've taken my heart, you'l always know where I am. I'll be okay. This makes me happy now; letting you live happily, as you wish, as you choose to, I'm happy now. Because with that, I'm not only proving to you that I love you to that extent, but also to prove to Allah that I love you for Him, and to prove to myself that my love is unselfish. With this, I can smile now. Whenever you need me, just stop for a while, look back and call out my name. My heart is with you remember? You don't have to think, care or be with me all the time, or most of the time. You can live as you want to. I'd still love you.

This is the attitude that has been openly condemned by some people. They told me straight to my face that I am the dumbest, stupidest person. They say, I do not know how to value my own pride and dignity. They said, people easily spit and you simply swallowed it without pride. Etcetera2, I don't have to say everything for you to get the whole idea, it's clear enough for everyone to understand. But all I did was smiled, and swallowed each bitterness in their words slowly, although painfully. I remained silent all this while. Now, let me just say, I know my pride and dignity is too precious, so is my love; it is priceless and too valuable to be shared around just like that after one person or some people had torn it. Enough being torn, I do not want to pass it around, hoping there would be one person somewhere that would put the pieces back together. Once I shared my heart with someone, whether he had hurt it or burnt it, to me, my heart only belongs to him, it remains that way, I won't be passing my heart to another person and share my love with this different person and then another, and another, and another. My love is too precious for that. My heart is not that cheap, to be shared with just everybody. Love is not about only being happy. When love hurts you, you think you've been played. That is indeed if love is a game you play. But love is just more than that. Love is not my game, it isn't even a game to me. You don't have to show off your love, your engagement ring maybe, your relationship timeline, and all those things couples do nowadays, you don't have to do that to show how deeply in love you are, or maybe just to show that you have someone to love and loves you. Love is just simple and discreet. You can be so far from one another, yet feel so close. You can be completely apart, yet still love as deeply as you have. It's unnecessarily observable or tactile. It's just runs through you. 

Enough said. I just want to say this once more, with all trueness and sincerity, I let you go. I set you free. You can do whatever you wish to now and don't worry even a bit about me. I trust you, I believe you will take good care of my heart, and I love you. Allah, please protect them all, and make them happy.

with love,

unselfishly.