you.

what did i do to you that's so severe till i'm being repaid like this? i thought all i did was always what YOU wanted, and only to make you happy. was i wrong all along? was this really my fault? where are you? i need you so much, where did you go? how can you possibly think that i can simply get through this on my own? but today i heard news about you. good enough. at least i know where you've been, how you've been doing, etc. sometimes, i wonder, why do i love people to this extend. sometimes i feel like knocking my own head. i kept doing this and that, and in the end, it's always the same thing happening over and over again; i'll get my heart hurt and torn apart. then i'll always try to blame everyone else and everything, but then i'll come to my senses again that it was me, it was me who's being so stupid and dumb. how could i seriously think that love is the strongest force in the world, and in each of us, when love has only been the strongest force that is crashing my heart. how come i keep on getting hurt and pretend to heal  everytime, and kill myself softly inside that way, why did i do that, why was i willing to do so? ='( tell me why. you know why. you know. i know why. it's because it came from you, YOU gave me your heart, YOU take mine away, YOU promised you'd be there, YOU said you won't disappoint me, YOU said you won't hurt me, YOU said you'll be my strength and courage, YOU! it's been you. all along. telling me this, doing all that, loving me, blablabla ='( it was YOU. remember? you've abandoned me once or twice, or maybe just i don't know how many times, but what was each sorry for? what exactly were you sorry about? yes i've said, you've taken my heart, so don't break it. but you broke it anyway. so then i said, you've taken my heart, keep it forever. but why did you let it tear? this is especially for some of the important people in my life that has probably been very busy with daily tasks blablabla, i actually just wanted to say, i miss you, and i love you. you knew that, i don't have to say ='( all i can say is, please just be happy, Allah will look after you for me.

why am i not asleep yet? i was thinking of everything. i was just getting so tired of everything. the only place i want to be at right now is home, close to my parents; that's the only place i can get my mind off everything. I've always asked Allah, how come that i'm only very young but already very tired? people will always say, He knows you can handle this, that's why He gave YOU this trial instead of somebody else. but how come? you see now, i couldn't handle it, at least not smoothly, in fact, very slowly and painfully. so why? ='(