kiss goodbye.

I'm leaving home tomorrow morning, heading to damansara. lately, I've not been myself. i know. everyone noticed, yet i had no explanation for them because just trying to explain it would tear me apart. i did not have the courage to look at anyone, everybody noticed the fake smile i was wearing all week. i tried. i thought it was going to be easy, maybe everybody else thought i was taking it easy too, but nope, not at all. i was afraid of making last minute sweet memories that i'm going to miss all semester later. even a single smile during a time like this would give a great impact on my heart and make it harder for me to leave later on. i did not want those simple little memories make myself miss everyone even more. it's unbearable. but they misunderstood; it's not that i'm taking these last few days for granted but it's just that, i'm ordinary, my heart is fragile, simple things could make it bleed so much. maybe i'm not used to being far away from everyone.., that's what makes it harder. when ayah told me how he's going to miss my presence; making tea for him, sulking like a little girl...yes, all of that, that's enough for breaking my heart, that's enough to cause me crying for hours. that's why, i get so scared of making new memories that would make me too attached to home, that'll cause me crying for days or what?

Also, i'm freaking out, class is starting on monday...i'm just freaking excited, and so freaking scared. but i'm too scared of leaving that i kept praying and asking Allah to protect everyone while i'm away, and even when i'm home. Allah, listen to my prayers.