it's called, growing up

In the name of Allah, Most Merciful.


I feel lost.


Things change sometimes, I know.
But why so abruptly this time?
As much as I do accept this as what He has destined for us,
I still couldn't believe everything that has happened,
I'm still so numb trying so hard to believe.
I guess I went through this already once before,
I know it felt just like this,
but I never really remembered up to this point.
Yes, I went through this before, I remember now.
This is exactly how it felt,
just that it was much much more painful then.


And the fact that I'm starting to feel real scared of being 20 soon is unbelievable.
I never thought it would be that scary till I actually just said it out loud just now that I'm going to be 20 next year and it's like my heart just dropped or stopped beating for a while or something like that, 
I just got zoomed out for a moment and time stopped
while I just sank into the thought  that I'm going to be freakinn 20.


It's not the number that scares me, 
it's what's coming along with it that terrifies me.
I'm growing up man.
I'll be facing life as it is, as I am.
Having no idea of what's written in the future suddenly just makes my tummy aches.
What's going to happen to us?
Will we make it? Will we get there?
Do I have what it takes?


Putting all those nonsense aside,
being 20 kinda means we've gone a long way and still got a long long way to go at the same time.
We're getting closer each day and a little further from one another, all at once.
Where are we getting at? I don't even know, I just know that I want to be able to take us there before our story ends.
Because it can't end without the both of us.
It has never been easy for us, but it has always been very joyful.
And I believe it won't be easy for the days to come, but I'm sure we'll make it through, together.
Maybe we're going to be far apart but hey, wherever we are, we're looking at the same sun, we're looking at the same moon, staring at the same stars, only wishing you're next to me.
I promise to be strong throughout this journey, for as long as you'll do the same for me.
You were always there for me, and I will always be there for you when you need me too.


Maybe just knowing that I have you, simply makes everything just so much easier,
makes me not too scared anymore about growing up.


Just promise me you'll meet me halfway.