NOT AGAIN

In the name of The Almighty.

I know it's been a while since I actually really write something. Yes I've been posting new entries but you know what kind of entries I've been posting; songs, quotes, and things like that. I'll tell you why. I have so much to tell, yet no words to express them. Sometimes I think you guys might get bored with my never-ending stories, even I get bored of them sometimes. But here I am once again, trying to find the right words to say in order to picture almost exactly what's going through my mind yet in the end you and I both know that this post will be super long, still I will be going to end it eventually without even discovering a single word that's right enough. 


You know, I believe that every good things that happen anywhere in the world to anyone at all at any point of time comes along with something someone else from another part of the world is suffering from or grieving over. In one day, one may be blessed with all the joy in the world with perhaps the birth of a new child and in another part of the world someone else is mourning over the death of a loved one. I believe that everytime we encounter happiness, someone else somewhere is facing hardships. And so, everytime we're faced with difficulties, someone else, somewhere is enjoying life. That helps me in accepting and overcoming whatever that's happening to me, also, it makes me a bit more considerate whenever I'm blessed with something, so that I won't forget the people who are not as fortunate, because they're probably facing hardcore challenges just because it's my turn to get the ride on happiness. So now that I no longer have some things/people, I'm sure my time is up and now it's someone else's turn to feel the blessings I've had once before.


And I understand that even though no one else is here for me anymore, He's always there for me, no matter how many people He's watching over at one point of time, well, He's God anyway. But I'm just curious, is this is for me? Was that it? I won't be feeling the warmth of a bestfriend's hug anymore? I can always talk to Allah, He's the best listener. But He can't hug me, can he? He can't call me with the annoying yet irreplaceable 'AWAAAAKK!'. He can't be my partner in crime or simply make a fool out of ourselves. That's why he sent us all a bestfriend. Or at least, a friend. They're like his messenger. So what is it for me now? I've quit sharing my concerns and worries with people because you know, they'll tell me to be strong everytime. I know that's the only thing they can say anyway, but can't they see how strong I've been already? And everytime I want to cry, they keep telling me to stop crying and again, be strong. So I'm not allowed to cry? And they say, your family needs you to, again, be strong. Alright, alright, so now I'm the  only one who has to have that strength? And so, I taught myself to not cry, at least not around the people I need to be strong for. I taught myself to keep everything to myself, because I need to be so-called strong for other people. I taught myself to deal with every single thing on my own because everyone else needs me to be so-called strong. Why? Don't I at least deserve the right to cry whenever I need to, wherever, around whoever?


I used to have someone who would lend me her shoulders to cry on. I no longer have her, so can't I just cry anyway? Can't I just say out whatever that's worrying me even if no one is there to listen to me already? And I've got someone who loves me enough to let me cry anytime for he'll listen to whatever I need to say, and he'll wait till I'm done crying to comfort me. But then he's sent far away from me now. I can be there for every single person I love but now not even one of them comes to me when I need them. Well, maybe someone else out there is needing them more than I do so do I have to wait then?


I'm sorry for all the mess, I guess I just have to admit that I'm really jealous of every single person in the planet who actually have a bestfriend right now, people, be grateful every second for what you have, cherish every moment and never ever take them for granted. Or I'll kidnap your bestfriend and make them mine. Kidding :) 


I don't need to kidnap anyone, because I have God as my bestfriend now, and the best part is I don't need to take turns to keep him, He's all ours, He's all mine.

P/S: it's called positive regard, you know. (thanks to counseling skills class) no matter how hard I cried when posting this, I have to end it with a positive outlook so we can all believe that no matter what happens along the way, in the end, everything is going to be alright ;) 
*wipe tears* :)