Life's a sojourn

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious.


"Comparisons are easily done when you had a taste of perfection"
-Katy Perry


When you know what the best feels like, everything else will never be good enough. Is that why I can never look at someone else the way I look at you? Yes. Is that why I can't feel the way you made me feel if the person isn't you? Yes. Is that why I can never laugh the way I laugh when I'm with you if you're not here? Yes. Is that why I can't be the girl I used to be when I'm with you if you're not around? Yes. Is that why our love is the only love I ever known and will ever know? Yes. Is that why I can only love you and love no one else the way I love you? Yes. Is that why even after I decided to move on, my heart still stayed where it was? Yes. Is that why there's this magnetic field around us? Yes. Is this why we can never go too far away from one another? Yes. Is this why we're still fighting for this? Yes. Is this why we're still in this together? Yes. 
and all I need to do is think of you, just to fall in love again, and again, and again.


I know everything in this world is only a loan from God, one day He'll want them back and we'll have to return them to whom they belong to. It's going to be hard, especially when we've come to love something for so long, but we have to believe that He knows what's best.


It's easy to say, I know. But for someone who has broken down so many times before just to deal with this whole issue, nope, it's not easy even to just talk about it. It's as difficult as going through it all. As a child, even though I was pretty solitary, my grandma and my dolls are my closest friends but I know I was happy. Because everyone else was. I used to believe I can save the world; I wanted to paint the world with the colours of the rainbow, fill the world with laughter, turn every frown upside-down, hear the language of joy, I wanted to reach for the stars and spread their glitters onto everybody's life. But as  I grow up, I realize those small hands can never save the world, though my spirits were bigger than the entire galaxy. I realize things are never that easy. Because if they were, no one will learn to stand back up if they ever fall down. Though my childhood was so much different from others', I'm thankful because to me, it was the best. And as years go by, I learnt what friendship is. God lent me some really good friends; real friends this time. Though I got my heart broken everytime, I lost a bestfriend after the other, I'm thankful because I've known what life's like having such a great friend, I knew what it's like to get loud yet not feel embarrassed at all even if the whole world is watching us rolling on the floor. I've known what it feels like to have someone there by my side when life's going hard on me. I've been given the chance to experience them all and I'm very grateful. Then I came to know love. Maybe it came on the wrong time, but it was the most right thing I've ever known. I'm forever thankful. And I've also tasted the sweetest part of happiness when my family was as solid as a rock. Though I'm missing that feeling now, and I'm missing how everything used to be, I have to say I'm thankful to have been given the opportunity to feel that happy before with my family and the people I love. 


Maybe God has got a lot more new stuffs in store for me, so before he lend me more of His new stuffs, He'll have to take back some of the things He's lent me before. I remember being the healthiest child in the family, now I'm the sickest one, who'd knew. Maybe it was time for Him to take my health back. Yet, thank you for I've known what it's like to be healthy. My family was once so stable and happy, now only God knows. Still, thank you Allah for we've known what a wonderful feeling it was to live life the easy way. Perhaps it was about time for you to take it back too, let us live life the hard way this time and learn some of the most important things about life. I've had the most wonderful friendship and you've taken them away from me. Yet, thank you Allah, I've had a blasting time with them, maybe it's someone else's turn to have them now. And I remember having him so close to me, and now you put a long distance between us. Still, Allah, praise be to you, having him by my side the entire time has been the best part of my life. What more is coming, dear God? As much as I'm very grateful to You, I'm also tremendously exhausted. I'm all worn out. 


I love, I laugh, I cry, I fell down and got back up, I feel, I think, I took my chances, I learn, I give up sometimes but I get myself back, I give in, I see, I know, I listen, I touch, I scream and shout, I take, I let go, I grow up, I live, I thank you for every single thing you've let me experience. As I go on typing this out, I feel smaller and smaller with each word. I'm feeling so small and tiny. I'm feeling so, zero. Everything, everything belongs to you. from Day 1, till now I'm 19. Everything belongs to You. I should be very ashamed of myself for I know at some point I've been angry with you for some things, at some point, I become very upset too. I'm such a helpless creature of yours, I can't help it, sometimes I laugh so hard, at times I cry and strained my eyes, but now I'll always remember to be grateful and live life because of You, in the name of Allah; so that maybe in the hereafter, I'll get back all that I love, and that time, they'll stay with me forever.