let's keep walking

In the name of Allah, the best-est friend.

Well I don't have to say how rocky and hard life could be because nothing is ever really easy for everyone. We've got problems laying there right before us, we've got our own trials, we've got different challenges, we've got several different disappointments, because we are all different. It's just that we get all the same things only at different times and in different ways. The thing is, everyone has got issues here and there, whether you like or want them or not, take them, face them, swallow them, move on. If you can't take it just yet, then don't take it YET, but sooner or later you still have to, just take your time. And yes, that's right, I said, SWALLOW AND MOVE ON. Why would you want them to stuck in the middle of your throat? If you can't take it in, then never do because you'll suffer a lot more. Take your time, and when you have all the courage you need, take them all in, knock them down, stand tall and move on. Your life isn't going to stop any sooner, especially when you really wish it actually would. We're here because we promised something to God, and He sent us here because he's got our word. It's going to get harder along the way but that's why God sent us friends, family, and other people to learn from. And that's why we can always close our eyes, put our two hands together and speak with our hearts in the middle of anything, it's called PRAY. And you don't have to sit all night on the praying mat, or in church or any particular place to pray because God listens to you no matter where you are. If you don't believe in God, as I know some who really don't, well, at some point you just don't realize that you've called out for Him every little now and then because you can never make it without Him, and if you're still denying this and really don't believe He's there watching you from somewhere, well, you've really missed out a lot people. There's something about getting close to your creator that's really nothing like anyone can explain or share.

What am I babling about? Well, one lesson learnt today. All this while I've been so disappointed and worried and everything else about simply everything and now I realize I can actually choose to not worry and be so depressed and all that and still get things right or I can choose to do just what I did and go no where. And today I saw some people who made the very same mistake I've done. The thing is, who will ever listen to anything that comes from me; an unstable 18-year old girl who's not so smart most of the time and almost quite mute. For the past few months, I have been struggling juggling between family matters and my life. There are a lot more in my mind that are left untold because sometimes I really don't think it'll be any helpful if I share my problems with someone else no matter how close they are with me. And for the past few weeks, I have been thinking so much about my relationship with him, I kept asking myself "why" and I kept weeping and driving my brains to dead ends every night just thinking of what could be and why some things just couldn't be and why are they so bloody hard. Now, things are getting better because I chose to swallow them all and move on. Whether or not he's for me, that's not for me to think about, Allah has written everything for me. So what if I love him? If I'm sincere enough, why should I even bother about how he's treating me? I swallowed everything, yes, one shot, because I don't want to be that girl I who cried every night thinking of things that she couldn't even change. I love him, I let go, I accept whatever the consequences are because I just happened to love him and it's really unintentional so what can I do. I know we're still holding on probably because we're just already used to one another, but one thing people just don't see is that he's been my entire life, we've been there for each other for almost all our lives, can you even break a habit you had since you're 8 and now that you're like 18 or 19 already?? It's been like a DECADE ago. No you can't. And that's why it's so hard. And it is not easy to keep something so old so steady. I love him and I trust him, that's good enough for me, in fact, that's the best I can get and do. I know he said he still loves me but whether or not it's true, it doesn't matter anymore because what means more to me is that I've had the best days of my life knowing him. I kept the love, I threw everything else, and I move on.

My point? I know, I talk too much. My point is, we have problems everyday, but it doesn't mean that we have to think of them and stuff our brains with all the worries every damn time. Don't keep saying, oh I need chocolate everyday so that I won't get depressed and all worried every single day. You're actually telling yourself that you ARE going to  be depressed and worried today and everyday ahead so you'll keep relying on your chocolates and just anything else. Unless, you're like me, well I always need my daily dose of chocolates, it's my second oxygen ;) But yes, that's my point. And if people ask you if you're okay, stop thinking about why you're actually not okay when you can always think about how you can be okay and how okay you can be :) the choice is yours. Problems will come visit us every bloody moment, if you don't start swallowing them one-by-one now, they'll be stacking up and at one point they'll collapse and fall on yourself. Too late. Things won't get solved by themselves, and if you keep whining and thinking and wondering about whatever nots, they're not going to get solved either, just in case you don't know yet. You need your brains to work, you need yourself to be stable for yourself to WORK, then solve your problems one at a time. If the word problem doesn't exist, the word solution won't either. So it is also the other way around and remember that. You're not getting anywhere unless you start taking another step and move forward. I'm sure you're not just going to sit there eating your "chocolates", thinking and worrying, while the best thing that's going to happen to you is waiting just around the corner.

I've talked too much, I've been crapping too much, I don't even know if you get my message really because you kinda have to think just a little bit about it to be able to get what I really mean. take your time. Sound lame maybe, but as a human who never gets away from mistakes, at least I've done a mistake and now I want to share it so that we can all learn from it and god willing, you won't repeat what I've done. We all are trying to do our best to live life but we need each other to live, learn, and even die. Sorry, no further explanations, think. I've got enough comments saying that my posts have always been damn long =P so i'll shut up now.