Live on both sides of the world.

In the name of Allah who has all the answers.

Do I not know what's wrong or right? Do I not know whats bad and what's good? Am I that naive, am I that stupid, am I just that blunt? Why? It's like I'm trying to make believe that this place is somehow a land of good people when I know it's a nation of the fake and corrupted people, yes not all, but the fact is eating the entire population. What's going on here, no, what's going on with me, why can't I just be more careful with the people around me, why can't I stop believing that everyone is nice, why can't I just be normal like the rest of them, why must I be so stupid, why can't I take care of myself, why should I be so naive, why? Why can't I just do some bad things instead of walking around with my head down, talking softly to people and respectfully, don't talk much so that I won't talk crap, don't laugh so hard because girls don't do that, why should I stick to these rules? Why can't I just forget what I've been taught and simply scream at random, why do I have to play a good girl? Why can't I just break some rules? Whyyyy?! Why can't I complaint? Why is it so hard for me to say no? Why should I care so much about people who sometimes just don't do any good for me? Why do I have to be this girl? Why can't I just be a normal human being, aggressive and insenstive and intolerant, sometimes ignorant, sometimes good, and sometimes just can't help to be bad? What should I be telling my readers here now, should I tell you to be a good girl and end up like me or just be bad so that you won't get your heart broken? Well, just get your feet in both worlds so that you're smart enough to live life, unlike me, it's already too late to change who I am. What's my point here in this entry? I don't know, you tell me, because I don't know why is it so hard to just be good, no wonder not many chose this path. If it's good, why is it eating me up? And if it's not, why has everybody been teaching and telling me to be at this side of the world? I know Allah had once said that the good things are never easy to do that's why the reward isn't like any other. I'm not doing this for rewards, I'm doing this because I believe it's right, and this is what I've grown up to be. How can it seem so wrong now? Where did I go wrong, or what did I miss..