STFU and listen will you?!

In the name of Allah, The One who knows it all.

I don't know if I can stand this any longer. I don't even know if I even like home anymore now. This is not home. It's not my home. It's not the home I knew. Some evil robots must have turned it to THIS scary place. Everyone is also very different too and I don't even know them sometimes. All everybody knows now is to shout, scream, smoke, and smoke, and when they're not shouting they just keep quiet, staring at God-knows-what, get lost in thoughts, and when it's time to eat, okay, they eat, what the fuck is happening here? Ohh, like I even have to ask that question. I know exactly what's happening here. But I don't know why! Things are hard. Yes, hell yes things are hard! But will all that solve everything, god damn it! Things are harder for many other people out there. But this is not how to untangle things. Fuck it is NOT!! You smoke, okay, you inhale all that nicotine and tar and blablabla, and what, you get high for a while, and then what? Fuck it. Then what? Come on, you tell me! Then in the long run, everything gets back to you, and another problem arise and what?!! And hey, if you think it will only get back to you, you're god damn wrong thank you, because you're going to crash MY LIFE here! And you're doing it now, you're doing it slowly now, but surely. Don't you get it?! YOU are my life, you are my life. And everyday now, ever since I got home two LONG weeks ago, my heart is aching and breaking every single day. If no one is shouting, no one is also talking. And if someone is talking, it's always me, and if it's somebody else, it won't sound like it used to, before. Whatever happens to "Unity is our strength"?? Has everyone forgotten?! To hell with others and what they think! I'm here for you, everyone of us is here for each other, what else do we need? Do you want THIS to slip away too? We are too busy with everything else that we forgot much important things are here in our hands and before we know it, they could just slip away through our fingers and do you even think of that?! What is the point of your life? Ayah said his life is pointless. Okay. So have I, your daughter, brought NO MEANING to you? Or has its meaning fade? What did I do that made it washed away? Maybe I don't know what you're going through, I don't know what Mama is going through, I don't know what my brothers and sister are going through, but you don't know what I'm going through too. And yes, even if we can never understand what one another is going through, you know that we don't have to UNDERSTAND or FEEL exactly the same thing to be able to be there for each other. You adults can never think an adolescent like me can make any sense when I talk isn't it? And what is my point in life? Do you want to know? Have you even thought of asking? Well, whatever, here it is, I have just lost my point in life. I've had it so high, FOR YOU! All of  you! And now, I just lost it all. And guess what, I don't even bother to get it back, because I don't want it anymore, I don't even feel like I should have it. Because it was all for you, and since you think nothing means anything anymore, well, why should I even try. I'm broken here, does anyone know? Well, when I talk, you look like you're listening, I wish you were too, I wish. I'm still here. Does anyone really notice? Hang on. Just hang on, I'll get there, to help you all, if God wills it. Don't give up just yet. But you already gave up on me. Why?

(I'm sorry if I used some words that I've never really used before, I can't help it for this one time)