TWO

In the name of Allah.


"Why did you start forever if you don't want it ever?" I've been asking that question to him. No answer. Because I never really asked it out aloud, just internally, here in my heart. No wonder I never got an answer to it. I don't even want to ask that question though, it's not even the last thing I would ever want to do. I'm afraid of what the answer would be, an answer I might not want to hear or probably something else but I really don't want to know. Whichever it is going to be, it's still going to hurt.


I used to be so fascinated with my life. Everything was in the right place, even the littlest things that might not matter to anyone else. I made every tiny little detail counts. Ever since He sent him to me, that little girl who used to play alone with her barbie other than spending her days with her grandma baking and watching The Lion King changed into one lively girl who finally discovered that there are so many other things that are fun besides barbie and being alone. She turned into a girl who could laugh at anything and anytime at all, and she could laugh even at the tiniest things, she could find something special in everything, even in the most ordinary things. And her magic has spread out so wide that everyone around her felt the wonder. And she changed because of one word, a word so miraculous yet most of the time deceiving and in the end usually hurting, she has been promised on one word; "forever", and she held on to it so tight, her faith on it was too strong no one could break, she gave her heart to it, no hesitations. Because she loved. A girl who has always believed in fairy tales discovered her own happy-ever-after, she believed so hard that this is HER fairy tale, only without fairies and only that, it's real, at least she believed so. She gave her life to it. How could such a right thing to do turn out to be her biggest mistake? Believing. Loving. Trusting. How could she ever known?